Equality is every woman's birthright, but sadly, women in all societies and in all periods of history have been deprived of it. Their level of deprivation is however different. Kuki women are very much a part of this global conundrum though we pride ourselves in thinking that our condition is better than that of ourcounterparts in the Indian mainland whose culture is prejudicious towards their womenfolk. Our customary laws and practices are evidence of the gender bias or hierarchy engrained in our social structure. Women are not allowed to inherit ancestral properties and are not encouraged for position of authority in the social precinct. Tales and stories in the past tell us about the stigma attached to the status of widows (and her children) in the villages. Interestingly, a widower could just remarry and his fate was never considered his fault. A couple without a male offspring (Chapa-gam) even today are compelled by customary norms to pass on their inheritance to their nearest male relative of the family. So, in order to enjoy a respectable status in the society, a woman must be married to a man and procure a son.
From the beginning of the 21st century, the subject of women empowerment has been a popular movement. Subsequently, all communities in their attempt to match up to the global community have been trying to incorporate aspects of gender equality. In such an important yet challenging endeavor as this, I would like us to looked into the challenges and societal constraints that obstruct us from achieving our desired goal. For one, customary norms, beliefs and practices can be one such obstructer. Though it is the reservoir of age-old traditions and gives us a sense of identity, it has been rather unkind in its conservative definition of a woman's 'rightful' place in the society. But, customs are man-made to suit the context of its time. Therefore, it would be wrong to consider it as divinely ordained from above. It ought to serve the interest of the whole community practicing it and not just a section of the community.
Secondly, if we are to work at empowering ourselves, we need to identify where our strength lies. Men looked to history to understand their source of identity. But, how do we derive strength from a source that has been silent about us. For instance, we take the case of the much celebrated Anglo-Kuki War of 1917-1919. Archival sources on the War record the feat of the Kuki men, their bravery and defeat, but all colonial government documents, missionary accounts or the present day local scholars are silent on the participation of women in the war. Based on my collection of oral narratives, I was able to deduce that women were very much a part of the war. Wives of the rebel chiefs were strong support system for their husbands and adjusted themselves to whatever roles that were required of them, be it leadership or supplier of ammunition. But as usual their contribution had been undermined in everyday discourse.
So, where do we garner our strength from? Psychologists say that as women we very often define our identity through our relationship with others around us. Our happiness and strength depend on people we love and who, we assume, love us back. In this regard, Pi Nengcha Lhouvum Mukhopadhaya (Indian Foreign Service: 1980) wrote about her mother in a personal communication with her via email on 16th January, 2013. Her mother Mrs. L. Hatnu (full name Hatkholhing), born in 1919, was the biggest single influence in her life. Pi Nengcha wrote these beautiful lines about her mother.
In her case I saw how the place of a woman (or anybody's place for that matter) in society need not be bestowed by someone else, it is possible to assume the role we want and society actually accepts it and falls in line. Yes it may be an individual case, but the point is that it is possible. My mother was blessed with a clear head and the courage of her convictions, she was often consulted on important matters by community leaders, even by church elders. She had the common sense to not ruffle feathers by riding rough shod on the male members, but she spoke her mind and was heard, every time.
A mother is her daughter's biggest reference model. In sociology, we have the concept of 'reference groups' which is used by individuals as a standard for evaluating themselves and their behaviour. It means that the decision we make today or the way we carry ourselves today is going to have very serious repercussions in the future. We are leaving behind a legacy for the next generations. If mothers can influenced their daughters so positively, it is also possible to influenced one another woman to woman. We can be each other's support system in a network of sisterhood with a focus on building and reaching out to each other. Our struggles and experiences are often similar. We battle against patriarchal outlook, both in the society and within the family, which is more supportive towards the education and success of men. We can pass on our acquired knowledge or training that might be helpful to another woman. Instead of indulging in meaningless gossips, we can use this habit to our advantage and change the topic to something that would educate and empower like issues of sanitation, hygiene, gynecological problems, economy, local politics, cuisines etc. New research studies have shown that our counterparts in the villages have issues related to women's reproductive health which is affecting their health and life-span at an alarming rate. Problems related to menstruations, ovary or any other gynecological related issues are considered not important enough to receive medical attention. In fact, many depended wholly on mid-wives for delivery. We can educate them on women's reproductive health, nutrition and care-giving before and after child-birth and family planning as many amongst us have undergone training as nurses, doctors or nutritionists. As mothers, we can also be the best person to educate our sons on the subject of respecting women. We can train our sons to be sensitive towards the aspirations of women around them. We can mould them to become 'real gentlemen' and not someone whose ego is tied to his ability to dominate women.
I am grateful to the Kuki Women Union editorial committee for giving me this opportunity to pen down my thoughts on a subject which is close to my heart. But I would like to request everyone reading this to remember that I have 2 children - a baby of 8 months and a boy of 3 years - while writing this. Finishing the paper was a tough job but I write with the hope that it would inspire a person or two. Finally, I heartily congratulate the Union on reaching 25 years of activism.
